


Here is the Efflux of the Soul

by TomasNostradamus



Series: Listen! I will be honest with you! [1]
Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22624315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomasNostradamus/pseuds/TomasNostradamus
Summary: Had Anne or Gilbert had the courage to actually speak to each other after they danced, and if they could just be honest and open with each other, this is what I imagine could have happened.This story assumes that after Mary died, Gilbert immediately took Mary's words into consideration and realized he couldn't be with Winifred because he didn't love her. He never asked if she would like to visit him and the the relationship faded away, to the benefit of them both.The story begins at their awkward encounter as they are about to leave the schoolhouse.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Series: Listen! I will be honest with you! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689598
Comments: 68
Kudos: 515





	Here is the Efflux of the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> There are so many stories here where either Gilbert or Anne don't want to pursue a relationship because they don't want to lose the friendship they have worked so hard to developed, which is perfectly valid and has made for some excellent stories. But personally, I never got the feeling from the show that they were particularly close. I haven't read the books, but I've put together that their relationship there was quite different, especially since their romantic relationship took so much longer to come to fruition. In my opinion, in the show's universe, Anne was probably Gilbert's closest female acquaintance (besides Mary), but not close enough to worry about ruining a friendship. 
> 
> I feel like I've edited this to death, but I'm sure I've still missed some things. At this point, I'm just hoping it reads well and that you find it entertaining. Warning: it's very long and pretty fluffy.
> 
> Italics are their personal thoughts.
> 
> Title and quotes in the story taken from Walt Whitman's Song of the Open Road.

Anne turned away from him, practically running out of the schoolhouse, Gilbert following closely behind for a moment before choosing a different path.

He was furious. He had very little understanding of how he had suddenly gone from such elation to his current sulking state, but it was doubtlessly Anne’s fault. The only other time he had crashed this hard was when he thought Anne was insinuating that he should post for her on the Take Notice board, so impressed at how boldly she was acting, only to reveal that she had been asking on Ruby’s behalf.

 _There have been so many times now, when she looks at me and I can swear she feels the same way, but every time she runs from it. Clearly she dislikes me more than whatever else she is feeling._ For a moment he had considered going after her, but he knew Anne too well. Any conversation she had in the next five minutes would not end well for an adversary. He didn’t trust himself to have a civil conversation with her right now anyway. _Somehow this hurts more; knowing she is choosing to hate me._

\---

Anne was walking down the path towards Green Gables, each and every step heavy with utter bewilderment. _What is happening? What was that smile? Forget the smile. What is this feeling?_ Anne was stunned and breathless and frankly, quite out of sorts.

“Ahem,”

She looked around hopefully, _Gilbert?_ “Oh, Charlie…” _Wait, why am I so disappointed?_

“Afternoon, Anne. I was wondering: May I walk with you a ways?”

“Sorry Charlie, this isn’t a good time.” _It will never be a good time._

“It’s Gilbert, isn’t it?” He looked defeated.

“Pardon?” she inquired, trying to keep her temper, but feeling her grasp on it slip.

“It will never be a good time for us because of Gilbert.”

“Gilbert has nothing to do with us being ill-matched,” she snapped at him before continuing on, trying to be more kind. It **was** bold of him to take a chance and notice her, regardless of his lack of originality and sheer disregard for the reality of the situation. “While I appreciate your notice, I’m sorry, but I will never see you as anything more than a friend,” _if that,_ she said to herself. _Take a breath, Anne._

“I saw how you were looking at each other, everyone did.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“There’s something going on between you two.”

Anne scoffed, “If there was, it wouldn’t be any of your business! And if you truly believed it, why would you ask to walk with me?”

“He’s been chasing after you for over two years; I figured if you were interested, something would have happened by now. And if you weren’t interested, you’d accept other opportunities.”

“That’s insane,” _I’m not looking for other opportunities,_ she realized before shaking her thoughts clear. “He’s not been chasing after me for two years. He would never chase after anyone!” _Except for me on his first day back, but I was being rude and he was only asking for my name._ “Unlike **some** people, maybe he understands that women aren’t just animals to be chased down!”

“That’s not what I meant…”

“I should hope not! Now please excuse me, I am sorely vexed and aggrieved.” She ran back to the school and frantically spun in a circle looking around for the tall boy with a mop of brown curls. Not seeing him there, she continued down the path adjacent to the one she had been on. _Gilbert Blythe, where are you? It didn’t take me that long to yell at Charlie, you couldn’t have gotten far._

She finally saw him up ahead and shouted, “Gilbert Blythe!” He was walking quickly, with his head down and his hands in the pockets of his coat. His posture was hunched, like he wanted to collapse in on himself- a far cry from the confident young man she danced with just minutes before. He slowed at her voice but he didn’t stop. “Gilbert Blythe!” She called again. He stopped as she arrived on his right side, but he didn’t turn to face her.

 _As if her running away from me wasn’t rejection enough? Now she’s going out of her way to yell at me? That’s a new low._ Yet, ever the gentleman, he composed himself best he could and responded, “Yes, Anne?”

“What **was** that?” she asked, trying to control her voice in case anyone happened upon them. Though, she supposed her yelling at him was a common enough occurrence that no one would have thought twice about it. Just another day with Gilbert and Anne arguing about anything and everything.

 _So she did feel something. And what, she doesn’t want to? Why?_ He took a deep breath and raised his head to the sky before turning toward her, his eyes coming to rest on her. There was no point in trying to hide his face. His eyes were glassy, his brow creased in distress.

“Oh,” her breath caught, “I’m sorry. Is something wrong?”

“Why do you ask? Do you actually care?” his voice was low and lacking its usual kindness, reminiscent of when she tried to speak with him after his father’s funeral.

She stepped back, startled at his abrasive tone, “Of course I do; you’re my friend.”

“Ha!” his laugh was cold and artificial, “Are you certain? Because most of the behavior you display toward me would hardly be considered friendly.” Her face was blank at the accusation. “Anne, I’m fine. It’s fine. I understand now. I’m merely an acquaintance you’ve been forced to tolerate due to proximity. You’ve made that perfectly clear.” He turned away from her and kept walking.

“Excuse me?” she followed him after a moment and they continued on walking together.

“Sure, you don’t often outwardly loathe me anymore, but this?” he gestured with his index finger back and forth between the two, “This is **not** friendship. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted to be your friend. Since the moment I met you, if I’m being honest, not that you noticed or cared. But for some reason, Anne Shirley Cuthbert, a girl so desperate for the approval and acceptance of her peers, for some reason can barely tolerate the thought of a conversation with me without running away.” They walked for a bit while he considered his next words.

“You know what, Anne? I’m done tip-toeing around you. Watching my words with you has never worked, so from this point on, you will get nothing from me but unfiltered honesty." _Maybe then you’ll understand. Maybe then I’ll get through to you._

“I’m not sure what you find so abhorrent about me, but since the Carrots incident, I have been nothing but kind to you, exceedingly so, if you were to ask absolutely anyone else around Avonlea. Meanwhile, you spend most of our interactions running away from or yelling at me.” He stopped walking and turned toward her.

“So I ask you, the ‘Bride of Adventure,’” he paused and her eyes went wide. _How did he know about that? Wait,_ _why does it matter?_ Her heart was beating quickly now under his intense gaze. “Why do you think that is? Why do you **always** run away from me?”

She certainly felt like running, but his eyes had her locked in place and she found herself quite unable to move. Maybe she just didn’t want to prove him right. _I don’t always run, even though right now I really want to._ She was quiet for a moment before whispering, “I’m not sure.”

“You’re extremely intelligent, Anne. You’re not unsure, you’re just stubborn,” he turned and walked away from her while yelling back, “You’re a fantastic actress, by the way; you even have yourself convinced. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Anne was dumbstruck. He was right. _Oh, how I hate to lose. He deserves so much better than what I have given him. I have been **so** cruel to him at times, and for what? Ruby? Ruby is kind! Even when she had a crush on him, she never urged me to treat him poorly, she only requested I not speak with him. I took it much too far. That was my choice. **My choice:** the choice of a girl who didn’t know any better; a girl who didn’t know what to do with some new, very large and entirely overwhelming feelings. _She gasped at her sudden epiphany. _What have I done?_ She started to cry, frustrated with herself at causing another so much pain, for it was clear to her now that’s what she had done. It was she who had cause the turmoil evident on his face. _How could I cause him such pain? That’s not who I am. That’s not who I want to be. What do I do now? How could I possibly explain what I have done? He has always been the bigger person, showing kindness when I don’t deserve it, tempering his reactions to me as I stand there berating him for no other reason than being afraid of my true feelings. My true feelings…which are? I love him._ The world seemed to still at her realization yet he continued traveling farther and farther away from her. _Honesty,_ she thought, _maybe we could both do with some more unfiltered honesty._

She wiped her eyes with her coat sleeves and shouted, “Gilbert Blythe!” she ran again to catch up and continued walking beside him. “You’re absolutely right; I have not been the friend you deserve.”

“Anne concedes that I am right and there’s no one around to witness it. Tomorrow can I tell your actual friends that this happened?”

Anne was surprised to find they were already coming upon Green Gables. He had inadvertently walked her home. _Did he mean to do that?_ “Gilbert Blythe, I really do consider you my friend and I would like to prove that to you. If you’d allow me, I’d like to explain my behavior toward you over the past few years,” she was nearly pleading, “I know my actions seem insufferable, aggravating, inexcusable and even cruel at times, and I’m sorry, truly I am. I can offer you an explanation, I assure you. I’m not asking for you to excuse my behavior, I realize now that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but if you’ll listen, I’d like to reciprocate your honesty with some of my own.”

They had stopped outside the gate at Green Gables. Anne placed her hand on the gate, preparing to open it and Gilbert leaned his back against the post. They were standing closer together than either of them intended.

She continued quietly, “I know you don’t see me as your friend right now, but I assure you, I do know you, and right now, I can see that you are upset; that you’re hurting deeply. I’ve seen it on your face before. Twice,” he looked away from her. “What I find most distressing is that today, while dancing? That was the first time I’ve seen you smile since before Mary died and then, like a candle being blown out, it was gone. And it kills me to realize that I may be to blame.”

 _You are most definitely to blame; at least you’re finally starting to realize that your actions affect others._ He clenched his jaw, his eyes glued to whatever he was looking at, pointedly not her. “Just catching a glimpse into a life I didn’t realize I so desperately longed for, only to see it pulled out of reach.”

“A what?” she looked at him trying to make sense of his words, but she got distracted. He really did have a splendid chin.

“I told you Anne, nothing but honesty. I need to get home to help Bash, but if you’re offering a friendly conversation, I will oblige you. Would you like to join us for dinner?”

“Of course, I’ll see you later then.”

“See you in a couple hours, Anne.”

\---

Anne walked toward Green Gables in a daze, not quite sure what had just happened. Was she really going to have dinner with Gilbert Blythe? She has eaten in that kitchen dozens of times, but this would be different than the meals their families had shared, she knew it, and she wanted it to be. She felt something while they were dancing, something bubbled to the surface that she finally understood she had been suppressing for years. She was fully aware of his unwavering kindness toward her and his support for her. He was right; everyone could see it, though until recently she didn’t dare hope it could be true. _Dancing today was electrifying. No, dancing with **Gilbert** was electrifying. It was just him. Who was on my left? Was it Charlie? I honestly have no idea, but isn’t that the point? _Repeating Gilbert’s words in her head helped her find some clarity. ‘Just catching a glimpse into a life I didn’t realize I so desperately longed for,’ _He enjoyed dancing with me, he smiled at me, and he pulled me near him, boldly breaking the set to be closer to me. It wasn’t a mistake, it was quite intentional._ ‘only to see it pulled out of reach’ _I ran. I always run away from him. And he was hurt. He **does** care for me, he’s made that clear, and I don’t think I need to suppress what I’ve been feeling anymore. Not to myself and not to him. Maybe, just maybe I can fix this._

Her newly resolute feelings erupting out of her, she stormed into Green Gables and shouted, “I’m in love with Gilbert Blythe!”

“I knew it!!!” Jerry replied.

Anne groaned. “What are you doing in here? Why are you **always** here?”

“Anne! That is no way to speak to a guest!” Marilla chastised.

“He’s not a guest! He **works** here! He does farm work! Outside! Why is he in the house? This is a perfectly reasonable question!”

“Jerry, please go tend to the evening milking,” Marilla said sweetly, trying not to roll her eyes.

“Yes, Ms. Cuthbert,” he walked past Anne making kissing sounds.

“You stop that or I will end you,” she threatened quietly, but she couldn’t make it to the end without smiling. She could tease all she liked, but Jerry was the closest thing to a brother she would ever have, and by this point they both felt the camaraderie.

“You were saying Anne?” Marilla nodded encouragingly.

Anne plopped down at the table. “I’m in love with Gilbert Blythe,” she said quietly.

“Are you quite sure that it’s love?” Marilla asked her quietly as she sat down across from her.

“Yes. I have only just figured it all out, but I have never been more certain of anything in my life. I think I’ve loved him for a long time but now that I’ve admitted it to myself it just… it feels like it’s growing, Marilla, exponentially. It’s like I’m suffocating but also floating and burning. And I know you probably think I’m too young to be in love, but I assure you-”

“I can assure **you** this has been a long time coming,” Marilla interrupted her. “That boy has adored you for years. Listen to me, Anne: Do not make the same mistake I did. Go to him. Tell him. Right now.”

Anne was taken aback. “That is not the reaction I was expecting at all!” she paused. “Gilbert walked home with me. He is under the unfortunately correct impression that I have not always offered him the kindest of actions and he is very upset. He was being brutally honest with me, which helped clarify things, but I still have a lot of explaining to do. He must not be too mad because he did invite me to dinner at his house, and he seems receptive to hearing me out. I’ll take care of my chores and head over there if you do not mind.”

“I certainly do not mind. It sounds as if you have a lot to discuss. Sebastian will be there, yes?”

“Yes, Marilla.”

“Well, I know you will be in good hands then. It’s just started raining so you may skip your outdoor chores for the day and gather your thoughts. Please do not leave that house until you have sorted everything out. Anne, listen to me,” she reached across the table and held Anne’s hands. “Remember, you are a gift. You have brought so much life to us, to this island. Gilbert knows this, and he has seen it since the beginning. Whatever happened today, you **can** fix it.”

“I can. I’ve not been a friend to him and I’ve been pushing him away, afraid of my feelings and terrified of losing the friends I’ve made here if I admit those feelings to myself. I can fix this if I can just find the right words.”

“No one is a match for your words, Anne. Not even Gilbert Blythe. I’ll pack up some plum puffs for you. Don’t forget them when you go over.”

“Thank you Marilla, I’ll get my chores done now and then be on my way.”

“Careful to watch the sky, it’s only sprinkling, but feels like something is shifting out there.”

 _Well, something has definitely shifted in here,_ she thought and she smiled to herself.

\---

_What was I thinking inviting her over for dinner? ‘Honest Gilbert’ is a lot more confident with Anne than I am. But maybe that’s a good thing. It’s like I told her, my calculated words to avoid offending her have hardly worked out. Maybe this is for the best. Even if it all goes wrong, at least I won’t have to wonder ‘what if’ anymore._

Gilbert ran up the steps just as the cold spring rain began. He threw open the door, slammed his satchel down on the table and placed a hand on each side, leaning over and letting his head hang.

“Woah,” Sebastian exclaimed after looking at Gilbert. “I haven’t seen you this bad since your first day hauling coal.”

“Today was… exasperating,” he said, not looking up. “Anne is coming over for dinner.”

“I knew it!!!”

“No, Bash, no,” he looked up. “She apparently considers us friends and would like to have a conversation as such to clear up some ‘misunderstandings.’”

“Yea, ‘friends’ is not the word I would use to describe your relationship.” Sebastian smirked as he cut up the vegetables.

“Thank you!” he stood up gesturing with his hands. “That’s what I said! Even after calling a truce she is almost always yelling at me or running away from me! I suppose it’s lessened over the years, but I’ve seen her with her true friends; Diana, Ruby, Cole and even Jerry. They are all adored, in their own way, I guess. She has nothing but compliments and encouragement for them. Absolute unwavering support- and for me? Well, sometimes,” he continued on with fake excitement, “she talks to me without yelling at me. And sometimes she looks at me with near indifference instead of like she wants to burn me alive! I am a lucky guy…” he finished sarcastically.

“Um, no. That’s not what I meant, not at all. You are two idiots who overthink everything and are blind to what is staring you in the face.”

“Oh I’m not blind,” Gilbert stated, once again leaning over his satchel and looking down, “not anymore.”

Sebastian immediately stopped what he was doing, thinking he was hearing the beginning of a confession. “Did you just admit…?”

Gilbert didn’t dare look him in the eye, “Sebastian Lacroix, I am hopelessly in love with Anne Shirley Cuthbert and although I didn’t realize it, I think I have been for a long time.”

Sebastian beamed at him. “Aha! I’m proud of you, brother! I told you before, it takes a man to admit when he’s gone over a lady!” And then he couldn’t help himself from prodding, he just had to know if he was right, “Since how long?”

“I don’t know. Since the Gillis’ fire? Since our first spelling competition? Since that damn slate incident?”

“Watch your mouth, fool, a lady is coming to dinner,” he was still smiling. “What brought about this epiphany?” he asked while adding in the final spices to his stew.

“The Dashing. White. Sargent.” He spoke evenly and heatedly, like he had been betrayed by someone he thought he could trust. “We were practicing a dance for the fair today and we started paired across from each other. Our eyes kept catching at every given opportunity, like they were magnets drawn to each other. I felt good, for the first time in so long, I felt happy, like there was hope in my life again. I couldn’t stop myself and I broke the set and pulled her across the way so she would be dancing next to me.”

“And she actually let that happen?”

“I know! I was surprised too! But it was like there wasn’t anyone else around. All I could see was her and everything else faded and blurred into the background. From the look in her eyes, and her smile, I could swear she felt something too, but…” his voice drifted off as he sat down at the table.

“But what? What happened?” Sebastian sat across from him.

“Well, she curtseyed, I bowed, we stared awkwardly at each other for too long, and then she ran away, like she always does.”

“Classic Anne,” Sebastian chuckled.

“Oh, it gets better, you’ll love this. I was feeling- well I don’t know what I was feeling, but I had to get out of there. I needed air. I also needed to avoid any further awkwardness. She must have been doing the same thing, because we nearly ran into each other on the way out the door, and then stared awkwardly at each other. **Again**.”

“That’s not that bad,” Sebastian encouraged.

“And then she ran away from me. **Again**.”

“Two times! Impressive!” He tried to, but couldn’t contain his laughter. “Look, Gilbert, I’m not complaining, but you seem especially forthcoming with your feelings today. I’ve been trying to get you to open up since I met you. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk this much about yourself, about anything concerning yourself that has actually mattered anyway. What’s going on?”

“After she ran out on me again, and after our talk on the way home, I just realized; I’m done. I’m going to tell her, because I have absolutely nothing to lose. If we had any sort of real friendship, I might be worried about losing that little bit of her, but I feel like I have nothing.”

“So how did this end in you inviting her for dinner tonight?”

Gilbert recounted the events of his walk home to his brother, who listened kindly, hardly mocking him at all while the rain poured outside. Sebastian occasionally got up to stir the stew while Gilbert laid out the story with impeccable detail.

“So how do you see this dinner going?”

“I honestly have no idea, but it feels pivotal. She actually seemed receptive to me speaking honestly with her earlier, like she was finally hearing me. She was finally seeing the real me- not just the façade I put up to avoid offending her. And she seemed to like honest me, she was willing to listen. So that’s a good sign, right?”

Bash nodded in agreement.

“But now I feel like I made such a fuss about wanting her friendship, when I know now that her friendship will never be enough for me. Which is a ridiculous thing to say, especially if she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, but I don’t know that I can just be her friend, all the while yearning for more, you know? These past years have been so hard- after losing my dad, and then Mary, I just can’t take another loss, even though she isn’t mine to lose.”

“Who said there was no chance at reciprocity?”

“She made it clear on the train one day. She looked at me and said, “I certainly don’t need you.”

“Boy, she doesn’t **need** you.”

“Thanks, Bash, that felt good,” he said dryly.

“Gilbert, listen, you know Anne. You do. You know that she is the most ferociously independent young woman on this island; possibly in all of Canada. She has been independent her whole life, and from what I’ve heard, her survival has depended on it. **Ne** **eding** someone? I think to her it’s a sign of weakness. Anne has been needed before. Her previous life was spent in service to those who needed her help, but didn’t want her. Anne is an expert with words and you need to pay attention to the ones she chooses to use. What happened before she told you she didn’t need you?”

“Marilla was thanking me to make sure she didn’t end up in a ditch on her adventure. Making sure she ate well,” he slowed and continued deliberately, “treating Anne, like she couldn’t take care of herself and needed protecting,” he finished, finally realizing what had happened that day. “I’m an idiot.”

“See there? She was just asserting herself. Sure, her tone could have been kinder, and she could have explained herself, but she wasn’t saying that she disliked you, or even that she didn’t want you there with her, just that she didn’t **need** you to take care of her on her trip.”

“I think she was going to apologize, but I was so discouraged that I just told her it was fine and studied until we got to town,” he said cringing, realizing the mistakes he made that day were too numerous to even count. He got up and walked toward the sink to test the stew.

“You’re an oaf, Gilbert. Don’t worry too much though, I’ve seen you two together, I’ve seen how she looks at you. Eventually she will figure out that she wants you.”

He blew on a spoonful before putting in in his mouth. _God, that’s good._ “Please, besides the three minutes we spent dancing today, she looks at me like she’s afraid I’m going to hit her.”

“Wrong again, my pastey friend. You are really not good at this,” he said judgmentally. “She looks at you like she’s afraid she’s falling in love.”

Gilbert dropped his second spoonful as his breath was taken from him, “What?”

There was a knock at the door. Gilbert’s eyes went wide as he was looking at Bash and simultaneously trying to clean up the mess he made. He whispered furiously, “Why would you say that? And why would she be afraid of that?”

In like tone, Sebastian responded, “Because it’s true and unrequited love hurts! Now get the damn door! It’s pouring out there!”

Gilbert laughed, finding a flash of hope in what was said, “Watch your mouth! There’s a lady coming for dinner! YOU get the door- I need to change my shirt, I got stew on it.”

Anne knocked again as Bash opened the door.

“Sebastian!” She said, greeting him with a cold wet hug.

“Queen Anne, you are soaked through! Come in here, and take your coat off. I can’t believe you walked here in this weather.”

She set the basket of plum puffs down on the table. “Oh it wasn’t so bad. I enjoy the new life spring rain brings and I figured I’d warm up here soon enough knowing how warm you like to keep it.” She hung her coat and hat on the hooks and asked, “Where’s Delphine?”

“Her rest doesn’t come too easy right now so I let her sleep when she can. She’s missing Mary, like the rest of us, and teething is no treat either,” he responded. “Gilbert, get your skinny white self in here!” he yelled before explaining, “He was just in here, but he spilled stew on his shirt and had to change.”

Anne laughed as she began un-braiding her hair. Sebastian looked at her questioningly.

“It’ll dry faster this way,” she explained, “The only part of getting caught in the rain that I can’t find joy in is the perpetually damp braids I’m left with as a result. Long after I warm up, they hang on me attempting to chill me to my core again. Could I borrow a towel? Thank you. This way,” she continued as she removed what moisture she could from her hair, “It’ll dry and warm up with the rest of me.”

Gilbert arrived a moment later as she was combing her hair with her fingers. He had washed his face and put on a clean shirt, leaving his vest behind in his room. His shirt sleeves were rolled up casually to below his elbows and he had left the top button of his shirt open. He could have easily passed for any young girl’s dream come true had he not been pulling at the collar of his shirt like he was having trouble breathing. He stopped short when he saw her. Her hair was down, framing her face in a waterfall of autumn colored waves contrasting brilliantly against the green of her dress.

Gilbert found his voice, smiled and said, “Anne. Hi.”

She had expected him to look good, she always thought he did, but since admitting her feelings to herself, she found that she didn’t entirely anticipate just how breathless she would be at the sight of him. She hoped he didn’t notice her struggling to breathe as she walked toward him and gave him a hug. Utterly shocked, he barely returned the gesture. Gilbert couldn’t stop himself from asking, “What are you doing?”

“I told you, you were right, I haven’t treated you like a friend and I’m trying to fix that. I greet my friends with hugs.”

“It’s true, I just received some love myself,” Sebastian chimed in as he did final preparations for the meal.

“Well, thanks,” he finally spoke again, feeling like an idiot.

She continued speaking directly to Gilbert, “I truly appreciate your honesty with me earlier today and I will do my best to be as honest with you as I am able as I hope to truly be a friend to you.” She turned back toward Sebastian. “Marilla sent over some plum puffs and requests that you visit more.” She automatically started toward the dishes when Gilbert put his hand gently on her shoulder. Her breath caught. She often flinched when someone touched her unexpectedly, years of abuse were to blame for that, but that’s not what this was. His tender touch sent fire through her veins so powerful that she feared she gasped aloud.

If he noticed, he was kind enough to not mention it. “Anne, you are a guest here, please sit down and relax,” Gilbert spoke softly, yet firmly. “While your willingness to help is always appreciated, we are more than capable of serving stew and setting the table. Just take a break for once.”

“Okay?” She plopped down at the table, feeling slightly out of place. It wasn’t often that Anne just sat while others worked around her, but she only felt uncomfortable for a few moments. She watched as Gilbert and Bash worked together. Their movements were so harmonious that she could easily imagine them being in a choreographed dance together. She wondered what the odds were that Gilbert would find his way onto a ship that contained a man so like himself from such a different world. The scenario seemed nearly impossible, but here they were, forging a life together. She smiled at the family before her, saying a quick prayer of gratefulness that both she and Gilbert had found home after suffering such loss.

“So, Queen Anne, Gilbert tells me you have some things to discuss.” Gilbert glared at him in warning.

“We certainly do, but I don’t need to bore you with that.”

“I don’t think your words have the capacity to bore, Anne,” Gilbert chimed in quietly.

She blushed slightly at the compliment. “Well, I could tell you a story if you would like.”

“Yes, please,” Sebastian said as he and Gilbert sat down; Sebastian across the table from her and Gilbert on her right.

After they prayed, they started to eat and Anne began. “Have either of you heard the story of my first day of school? Besides the worthless schooling I received at the orphanage, of course.”

“Not from you,” Gilbert answered honestly. He had heard stories, sure, but knowing how gossip alters the truth, he didn’t pay attention to much of it. His only concern at the time was that there was a new cute girl in Avonlea.

“Oh, I can just picture tiny little Anne going off to learn, carrying books as big as she is!”

Anne laughed, “That sounds fantastical, but unfortunately, no. My first real day at school was here in Avonlea- a day before Gilbert came back from travelling with his father actually.” She caught his eye and smiled. “I was so excited, even though I knew I was so far behind. I had already befriended my dear Diana, but none of the other girls were especially receptive to welcoming a homely orphan into their midst, especially Josie.”

Gilbert’s jaw clenched at her words and he took a deep breath. If she called herself homely one more time, he feared he would explode. Anyone else would use self-deprecation as a way to receive compliments, but he knew Anne believed it and every time he heard it, he was crushed.

Sebastian noticed. “Blythe, you okay?”

“I’m fine, sorry to interrupt, Anne.”

She continued, “Diana was going on and on about all these rules with the others chiming in, like who sits where at lunch, how to share food, never let the boys know when they’ve upset you, never let them know when you like them, don’t talk to the boys because they are ridiculous, and she even made a point to say ‘all except Gilbert Blythe, he’s dreamy, but he won’t be here today.’ All the information was really quite overwhelming.”

“Diana said what?” Gilbert looked astonished.

“You heard her,” Sebastian said, laughing with bread in his mouth, “You’re dreamy!” He was laughing so hard that both Anne and Gilbert feared he might choke.

“Careful there Bash. You might choke,” Gilbert said seriously.

“Oh, I’m fine, my dreamy friend.”

“Are you sure?” Gilbert threatened, only slightly joking.

Sebastian’s mood calmed at Gilbert’s stare and moving on, he said, “I had no idea how hard it is to be a young lady.”

“It is exhausting. Regardless, for the first time in my life I had the opportunity to make actual friends and I wanted to so desperately so I did my utmost to heed all their whims and requests and besides accidentally spreading a rumor about Prissy, I was doing fine. Until…” she took a deep breath.

“Until what?” Sebastian asked. Gilbert felt he knew what was coming.

“I was doing fine until Gilbert came back.”

“What? I thought it would be the carrots thing,” he chimed in.

“No, but this might help explain my reaction to your despicable comment.”

“I was just trying to talk to you!”

“Well, you weren’t doing a very good job!” she said harshly before correcting her tone, “You see, Bash, I had unknowingly insulted a girl in school and her younger brother attacked me in the woods the next day on the way to school. Luckily, Gilbert showed up and made Billy leave,” she smiled at Gilbert again and maintained eye contact with him while adding, “He even asked if there were any dragons that needed slaying.” She looked back at Sebastian. “Can you believe it?”

“Oh you have no idea how much I can believe that. Blythe, you moke, you said it was since the fire!”

“I said I didn’t know and shut your mouth!” he spoke through clenched teeth and kicked him under the table. “Please continue, Anne.”

She shook off her confusion and pressed on, “Well, the only time a boy my age had previously been kind to me was as a prank. Gilbert followed me the entire way to school, and kept calling after me, just trying to learn my name. When he opened the door for me, I finally convinced myself that things could be different here. If such an exquisite creature as Diana could desire my friendship, who’s to say there wouldn’t be kind boys here as well? I finally introduced myself just as Mr. Popular here was swallowed by a hoard of his adoring fans.” She smiled as she served the plum puffs from her basket.

“That’s not what happened.”

“Shut up, Gilbert Blythe. That is exactly what happened. I, in turn, was accosted while putting my milk in the brook. Josie came up to me saying ‘I don’t know what you think you were doing walking with Gilbert Blythe.’” Gilbert looked bewildered as Anne continued, looking again, straight into his eyes, “Then Tillie said, ‘You can’t talk to Gilbert Blythe. You can’t even look at him.’”

This time, Gilbert’s surprise actually did cause him to choke on his food. Anne instinctively hit his back to assist. As he recovered, he gasped out, “What? Why?”

Anne did her best Josie interpretation, “Because Ruby has liked him for three years. She. Has. Dibs.”

Sebastian erupted with laughter. He did **not** miss being a teenager. “This is the result of his dreaminess, no doubt.” His laughter continued for a long while until tears were forming in the corners of his eyes.

Gilbert did not find this funny. At all. He was livid. “You weren’t allowed to talk to me because Ruby liked me? You weren’t even allowed to look at me? Ruby never even spoke to me! So now I just can’t speak to any of the girls? How is that fair?”

“Relax Gilbert, she’s finally moved on.”

“How recently?”

“Gradually, over the last few weeks,” she said it so casually, like this was the most common thing to discuss. They might as well have been discussing fertilizer prices for how little emotion Anne put into the comment.

“ **Five years?!?** For over five years she called dibs and forbade her so-called friends from talking to me? How is **that** friendship?”

“Calm down, Gilbert. Why are you so upset? That’s just how it is, I didn’t know what friendship was, all the other girls accepted it, and so that’s what it was.”

“So you hit me, to send me a clear signal to leave you alone.”

“I hit you because you made fun of my hair and I wanted it to be clear that it was your fault we were talking, not mine.”

“You could have done it without scarring me!”

“Oh please, the only thing I scarred was your pride. Everyone else in that room adored you; you were just embarrassed that someone would stand up to you.”

“No! You cut my ear! Look at the scar!” He had to lean toward her and turn his head all the way around to give her a proper view. She looked genuinely appalled.

“I am so sorry Gilbert, I had no idea.” She whispered. He hadn’t backed away and his head remained close to hers, probably too close. Bash rose and started clearing the dishes off the table.

“Anne, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m not mad about the incident. I should have known by then that teasing was not the way to get a pretty girl’s attention,” he rose nonchalantly and helped clear the table. He walked over to Bash at the sink.

“Nice,” Bash said on a whisper.

“Thanks,” Gilbert smirked proudly.

Anne remained at the table, blushing furiously and trying to collect herself, when Delphine woke up crying. Sebastian started toward the sound with a bottle he had had already prepared when Anne stood and said, “May I take it to her? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Of course, thank you, Anne.”

Anne left the room and Gilbert felt he could breathe again. “This is going okay, right? I mean, technically she did just run away again, but I know she misses Delphine so maybe it wasn’t directly related to my comment?”

“Relax. Everything is going fine, though I wouldn’t complain about any other scars.”

“I wasn’t complaining, I was just pointing it out.”

“Blythe,” he spoke quietly, devoid of humor. “Have you ever asked her about her life before Avonlea? Has she shared anything with you?”

“No, she doesn’t ever talk about her past. I think this is the most she’s ever talked to me about anything, so I haven’t really felt close enough to her to ask something so personal. Why?”

“Marilla noticed, after she had to cut Anne’s hair. She didn’t ask about it, she didn’t have to, but Anne’s back is covered in scars; long, thin scars.”

Gilbert thought he was going to be sick. He leaned over the sink just in case while Sebastian rushed to fetch his water.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not my place to tell you, but just watch what you say. Remember that her experiences are vastly different from yours.”

“Why would Marilla share that with you?”

“I don’t think she meant to, I think the discovery haunts her, like she doesn’t know quite how to approach the topic with Anne. And I don’t think she has, she just uses the knowledge of Anne’s past to guide her behavior moving forward.” Bash continued cleaning up while Gilbert collected himself.

Anne returned after a while with the empty bottle. “Can I have a cold, damp cloth please? She’s nearly asleep again and I think it will help soothe her.”

“Here,” Gilbert prepared the cloth and handed it to her.

“Thank you, I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll never understand how she is still so Anne after all she’s been through. She **is** an enigma wrapped in a riddle.”

“What?”

“Nothing, just something she said once.”

Anne returned to them again, “She’s sleeping again. Sebastian, she is the most precious child I’ve ever cared for.”

“That would be Mary’s influence, no doubt,” Gilbert teased.

“No doubt, indeed,” Sebastian agreed wistfully before his mouth widened into a yawn.

Anne put her arm around Sebastian’s shoulder in a hug. “If you want I can help with dishes, go get some sleep.”

“Thank you, Anne, I’m not going to refuse that heavenly offer.” He started walking away and called back, “If Marilla asks, I was with you two the whole time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He chuckled to himself, knowing he just made it a bit awkward for the kids he left behind. “Don’t mess this up, Blythe,” he whispered to himself, almost as if in prayer.

They washed and dried together in amicable silence and it wasn’t long before the task was complete. Gilbert turned to her, leaning on the sink and crossed his arms across his chest. “So the competition? The loathing? The blatant vehemence? That was all out of devotion to your friendship with Ruby?”

She leaned her hands on the sink and laughed, “No, the competition is real and don’t you forget it. I am smarter than you, and I will prove it.”

“I have no doubt of that,” he chimed in.

“I suppose the anger was a result of teasing me about my hair color. I truly hate my hair and I have been teased about it ever since I can remember.”

“I would just like to be clear, I never thought poorly about your hair. It’s unusual, sure, but that just makes it all the more spectacular.”

She disagreed so she moved on, “Then, loathing you just became a habit, I guess. Sorry,” she finished meekly.

“That’s pretty lame, Anne. You could have at least shown me indifference instead of outright disdain.”

“Gilbert Blythe, I could never be indifferent to you,” it popped out of her mouth before she could stop it and her eyes grew wide.

He smirked but didn’t push for an explanation. “Hey, why do you so frequently use my full name?”

“Because it suits you,” she replied, relieved for the topic change.

“Gil-bert Blythe suits me?” he enunciated slowly and clearly. He never particularly cared for his name. “Is that an insult?”

She laughed, turning toward him and subconsciously placing a hand on his arms still crossed across his chest. “You made a joke! See? I told you we were friends!”

His pupils were blown wide at her touch. He gazed down at her hand and spoke softly, “I think we’re getting there.”

She carefully removed her hand from him and pressed on, “Gilbert Blythe, do you know what your name means?”

“Nothing, it’s just a name.”

“It most certainly is not **just** a name. Names have meaning. I met a peddler last year while you were away; a wonderful man who was trying to earn money to get his family out of Germany and bring them here to Canada. You see, his family is Jewish and they no longer felt safe there, it is a truly tragical tale…”

“Anne, focus,” he said with a smile. He loved that far off look she got when she was invested in a story.

“Sorry, anyway, he too was fascinated with the meaning of names; he found them portentous. Anne apparently means ‘grace,’ and while it seems a bit ironical when applied to me, it does make me feel a little less plain,”

“Plain? You are in no way plain, Anne.”

 _If he keeps complimenting me I’m going to lose what little composure I have left._ She cut him off, “I was so intrigued, I kept asking about other names. Diana means divine, isn’t that just too perfect? Ruby is from the stone, of course, its stunning beauty so aptly reflected in the girl who bears its name. Matthew means gift, and I have hardly received a better one than this kind man who convinced Marilla to keep me and raise me as their own. He didn’t know Marilla, I suppose it is slightly unusual after all. Cole is simply from charcoal and how suiting that he’s an artist!” She had been speaking animatedly, looking around the room with wonder in her eyes and gesturing with her hands. Now she grew more serious and looked up into his eyes, “Gilbert. John. Blythe. Do you want to know what your name means?”

“I want to know how you know my middle name.”

“Family bible,” she pointed to it across the room. “Do you want to know what your name means?”

“I suppose I can guess, how about ‘Hopefully this kid has a winning personality because he is being burdened with the name Gilbert?”

She laughed again. Given the chance, he would live solely for the opportunity to make her laugh for the rest of his days and in doing so he would doubtlessly die a happy man. “No, you idiot, Gilbert means bright pledge, as in an intelligent, devoted person. Your intelligence is evident upon meeting you and over the years has pushed me harder and further academically than I thought I could go. As for devotion- you stick by those you love, even when facing adversity. You don’t let the admonishment of those with small minds affect you after not only welcoming a man of a different race to Avonlea, but bringing him here as your family. You relentlessly pursue friendship with those who others scorn, even when met with contempt and at the expense of your own feelings.”

He was smiling looking down at her. He was relieved, apparently she didn’t think so poorly of him after all.

“John means God is gracious. Though your family, like mine, has been taken from you, you have been given a whole new family. Just look at the likelihood that you would run off to explore the world and find a brother, who in turn would find the love of his life a couple towns over and, with you, bring a family and warmth into this home again! Have you ever thought of how crazy that is?" He has, of course he has.

“And I’m sure you know what blithe means. Spelled differently of course, B-L- **I** -T-H-E, no Y, it means ‘happy, lighthearted character or disposition.’ I saw it when I was reading the dictionary you gave me,” she had been speaking quickly, but slowed her pace and lowered her voice when she continued. Her clear blue eyes seeming to pierce through his own and into his soul “Even with everything you’ve been through and I know it’s been hard lately; really, really hard. At heart, in your core, you **are** happy and lighthearted; I know it, even if you don’t always feel it. But I saw that Gilbert Blythe today. He returned, just for a moment, and it was an absolute relief.”

At this point, he was having a hard time holding it together. He knew his eyes where glassy and he was once again stunned at the wonder before him. He wanted to thank her, tell her how much he appreciated what she said, what it truly meant to him, how it changed his life, but the words didn’t come. All that he could produce was a husky, “Would you like some tea, Anne?”

She had lost herself in his eyes, again. It was a long time before either of them moved, but this time, the staring wasn’t awkward. She whispered, “I would like that very much, Gilbert Blythe.”

He cleared his throat. “You can wait on the sofa, if you’d like, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” She left him and tried to calm herself. _This isn’t as hard as I thought it would be, but it certainly is intense. I’m just being myself; he has never judged me for being me, even when I would yell at him. I wish I would have been a true friend to him before. I have missed out on so much. But then again, maybe I wasn’t ready or deserving of such friendship until now. Maybe it was something I had to grow into._ She picked a book off a shelf and settled on the sofa.

He prepped the tea and gathered his thoughts. _You can do this. She wouldn’t still be here if there was no chance. She wouldn’t have learned about my name while I was thousands of miles away if I had no chance; I was obviously on her mind. She wouldn’t have written to me halfway around the world if she didn’t care, just a little bit. She is still here, and she is enjoying herself. She has laughed, she’s been honest, and she’s hardly yelled at me at all. Tonight is a good night, even if what I do next is a mistake, at least I will know._

He broke himself away from his reverie to finish preparing the tea. Anne was waiting for him. _Anne is waiting for me._ He smiled at the thought. Anne was right, he hadn’t been smiling a lot lately; there wasn’t much to smile about. But now? He couldn’t believe she was still here and he wasn’t afraid to show his happiness. She sat in the corner of the sofa, her legs crossed up under her dress. It wasn’t very lady-like, but it was entirely Anne, and he loved it. She, of course, had found a book and was already enthralled within its pages. She looked so comfortable here. He just watched her for a bit, not wanting to interrupt her.

“I wonder if you could survive a day without reading,” he said as he handed her some tea, sitting down facing her, with his right leg bent up on the sofa so he could give her his undivided attention.

“Why on earth would I want to do that? I was bereft of books for so long.” She thought about it. “Absolutely not.”

“What?”

“I don’t think I could survive a day without reading,” she smiled at him.

“What did you pick up?” he asked, nodding toward the book.

“Walt Whitman, it is simply breathtaking.”

“That was my dad’s favorite. He often had me read it to him, at the end. Where are you at?”

“I am larger, better than I thought; I did not know I held so much goodness.”

He smiled. _What an apt phrase to hear flow from her lips._ He continued the poem “All seems beautiful to me, I can repeat over to men and women You have done such good to me I would do the same to you.”

She smiled, “You must have read it frequently.”

“It was frequently enough, but I find things are easier to memorize when they are meaningful to you.”

“That is most certainly true,” she took a deep breath and leaned back and closed her eyes.

Gilbert smiled. He was surprised how at home she looked here, like the house was made for her. “Comfortable?”

“Exceedingly. I love Green Gables, but the stark white is often at contrast with my mood and imagination. Like the walls themselves are imbedded with Marilla’s condemnation, ‘Do be sensible dear child! Now stop that folly! Anne, you look like a perfect heathen! Anne, one day you will regret the license you give your imagination.’ Your house is so much more comfortable, like it is hugging me and encouraging me to imagine.”

Gilbert was laughing at her Marilla impersonation, “I’m surprised Marilla is okay with you being over here so late.”

“I know I complain, but she does understand me and she trusts me. I told her I would probably be late and she said she was fine with it since Sebastian is here as well,” she laughed.

“I don’t know how he’s managed to convince everyone that he is so honorable and trustworthy,” he said, laughing again. “Though, I can hardly complain about his chaperoning style.”

She laughed looking at him out of the corner of her eye, “I don’t disagree.” There was silence as they each took a drink.

“Can I ask you a question, Anne, about your past?”

Her mood diminished slightly, “Why?”

“Because I want to know you better. Why don’t you ever talk about your past?”

“Because there isn’t anything to tell.”

“You didn’t come here until you were thirteen, surely there must be something.”

She paused, “Fine, there isn’t anything to tell that won’t negatively affect your opinion of me or make you pity me. Or fully scandalize this entire community if it got through the confines of these walls for that matter.”

“Nothing could lessen my opinion of you and I should think I’ve given you no reason to believe I would share anything you tell me in confidence.”

“If I tell you one thing, one short summary, can you avoid asking me about this again in the future?”

 _The future? Their future? Together?_ He swallowed hard, “I can’t promise, but I will try, yes.”

She thought a moment. She needed to tell him something that wouldn’t make him want to ask any further questions. But she trusted him and if this had a chance at becoming something more, maybe he should be privy to the best and worst things she’s been through, to better understand her and the person she’s become.

“I worked for a family- the Hammonds, shortly before I came to Avonlea. They had three sets of twins that they did not enjoy. That’s why they needed me. Mr. Hammond forced himself on his wife nearly every night, only missing those nights when he drank himself into a stupor and passed out before he could get to it.” Gilbert’s mouth was already open in disbelief which caused Anne to weigh whether or not she should continue. She pressed on, “He, Mr. Hammond, had a heart attack while lashing my back and nearly fell on me as he died. I screamed for Mrs. Hammond, who in turn blamed me for his death and sent me back to the asylum.” She looked at him with raised eyebrows while she sipped her tea.

She couldn’t help herself, she started laughing. “You should see your face!”

“Was that a joke?” he snapped as he stood up, “Because if it was, it’s mean!”

“No, Gilbert, I’m sorry, it is one hundred percent true; I just have never seen you look quite so…”

“Horrified? Outraged? Anguished?” He could feel the bile rise in his throat. “Appalled? Flummoxed?”

“Like you were going to explode with rage, like you needed to punch something. It was unexpected, is all.”

“It was unexpected that I would have an unmitigated visceral reaction to someone I lo- to **you** being treated so poorly?” There were tears forming in his eyes from the revelation and the accompanying emotion.

“Gilbert, I’m not going to lie to you, I wanted it to shock you because I don’t like talking about it and I don’t want you to ask me about it again. It was a lifetime ago and it was traumatic. I have very few happy memories of my childhood. If I did, I would share them. Why are you so surprised?”

He calmed his voice and proceeded. “I don’t know,” he paused. “How did you endure it? How are you still, so… you?” 

“I didn’t have much of a choice. But endure I did, and eventually my rocky path led me here, so I accept what happened to me and will proceed optimistically into the future because I am unable to change the past.”

“That there, that is what I’m asking. How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Retain such optimism; after all you’ve been through? It’s like you’ve taken your tormented past and used it to somehow make the world more beautiful. You have every right to be a shadow of a person, beaten down by what has been thrown your way, but you choose to emanate light and hope.”

“I assure you, that without hope I **would** be a shadow of a person. And, if I’m being honest, there are times that the memories still haunt me and I struggle a bit. But then the moment passes and I remember where I am and the home I’ve found.” she continued reading while Gilbert watched her, wonderstruck. She knew he was watching her and she didn’t care. She understood that what she told him takes time to process.

“You are amazing,” he didn’t mean to say it out loud. It just came out when he exhaled after taking a deep breath. “Would you like more tea?”

“No thank you, I’m fine just as I am.”

He sat down again with his elbows on his knees, closer to her this time than he was previously. “Anne?”

“Gilbert Blythe?” she spoke without looking up from the book.

He looked down, shook his head and smiled, his whole body warming, now understanding why she referred to him that way. He wondered if he would always feel this way when she spoke his name.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, what were you talking about earlier today, what was what?”

She closed the book and set it on the table near her. “Well, it’s like I said earlier, you seemed happy today, when we were all dancing in class, so happy. It seemed like you were having fun; like **we** were having fun. Together.”

“I was there, Anne. We **were** having fun. Then, in classic Anne fashion, you ran away. Twice. Why did you run away?”

Having kept her composure most the night, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling embarrassed, “I run when I’m confused.”

“Or angry, or frustrated, or overwhelmed…” he added, raising his eyebrows at her.

The dam burst and she shot out of her seat, her sudden movement startling Gilbert to stand at the same time. “Fine! It was all of that! I was angry at **you** for causing my confusing feelings and frustrated that I was so completely overwhelmed!” She stopped short, feeling terrible for yelling in the house when a baby was sleeping. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just… I like to be in control of my emotions or at least understand them, and there have been so many times, with you, that I don't. I’m not lying, I was confused, but I’m not anymore.”

“Just stubborn,” he said quietly as he looked at her. He stood akimbo, facing her while deep in thought. After a minute he asked, “Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.”

“You absolutely understand that I would never prank you or intentionally cause you harm.”

“I’m beginning to.”

“No, Anne,” he took her right hand in his left, and held it, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles. Anne looked down at her hand in his. It was somehow simultaneously the most demanding and gentlest touch Anne ever experienced. “This is important; this matters. I want you to understand that I would never prank you or intentionally cause you harm. Please,” he begged. “Tell me you understand that.”

She looked up into his eyes, “I understand. What are you getting at?”

He raised his right hand to the back of her neck and pulled her toward him, stopping when their noses were nearly touching, allowing her time to stop him if she was uncomfortable. He prayed while he awaited her response and was stunned when she urgently closed the gap. His knees instantly went weak and he nearly cried in relief. He reveled in the sheer ecstasy he felt coursing through his body, like it was only now that he started feeling alive, up to this point in his life he’s not sure what he was doing, but it surely wasn’t living.

When he pulled her so close like that, every doubt Anne had evaporated. _If I wanted to kiss a boy, couldn’t I just kiss him?_ And she wanted to, so badly, so she did. He felt like a missing puzzle piece, like everything in her life had led to this moment and she was now complete. Not that she needed a man to be happy, she knew she was a whole and valuable person without him, but this felt preordained, like no matter what she wanted or where she went, this was meant to be.

The kiss wasn’t long, and while it would have seemed a simple kiss if anyone had seen it, the depths to which it altered the lives of its participants couldn’t properly be put into words.

His hand was still on her neck, their foreheads resting against each other, “See? You’re not confused, you’re just stubborn.”

“Wow,” she whispered.

He laughed, “Yeah, wow.”

“Did you feel that?”

“Yes. And I’ve been anticipating it for far too long,” he answered.

“So, Cole was right? You do have a crush on me?”

He stood up straight, taking both her hands in his. He took a deep breath and continued with the absolute honesty that had been working so well for him today, “Anne, I have been in love with you for years. I may have not realized it, but my dad knew it as soon as I came home and told him about a new girl with fiery red hair and passion to match. Bash has known it nearly as long as he’s known me, and has never let me forget it. Today when we were dancing, I was ecstatic when I thought you might feel the same way and then devastated when you ran away from me, confirming that you weren’t interested.”

“What made you think I wasn’t interested?”

“You mean besides everything we already discussed?” He laughed. “How about ‘I certainly don’t need you’? And trying to get me to post for Ruby on the Take Notice board?”

Anne grimaced at the memory of the train. “I always put my foot in it with you,” she whispered, “Always.” She looked up into his eyes, so full of romance. She hadn’t initially been able to identify it as romance, for this is exactly how he had looked at her, every time, since the day they had met. She agreed with Ruby, she could have died happy right then and there. But she had too much to do, so much to live for. _Dying now seems a terrible waste of all the gifts I’ve been given. He’s been so patient with me, waiting for me and enduring my anger through the years. I was afraid of these feelings for so long. Afraid of what they meant, afraid that they were misplaced, afraid I was unworthy, and yet, he’s still here, even after everything I’ve put him through, and I’m finally ready._

“I love you, Gilbert Blythe,” she said, looking into his eyes, “I want you. And, if you’ll have me, I am done running.”

He kissed her again, more passionately this time, not being able to contain his love for her any longer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, subconsciously running the fingers of her right hand through his hair, something she hadn’t realized she had always desired to do. Gilbert’s left arm wrapped around her lower back while his right returned to cradle her head. After a few minutes the kiss ended and he hugged her like he was afraid she was going to slip away.

“Gilbert,” she squeaked, “Gilbert, I can’t breathe. You’re a lot stronger than you look.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, loosening his grip but not letting go, “I’m afraid to let go of you. If I keep you close, maybe you won’t change your mind.”

“Gilbert Blythe, look at me,” she pressed him away and stared into his eyes. “You just pointed out how stubborn I am. You can trust that I am **not** going to change my mind." Her eyes were tearing up as she continued, her voice breaking, "It took me so long to get here, far too long, and I don't intend on wasting another minute of my life without you. I will never walk away from feeling like this. I will **never** walk away from **you**.”

He shook his head and smiled, not quite believing what had just happened. “Do you need anything? Anything at all? Tea? Plum puff? The moon?”

She laughed as she wiped her eyes, “I’ll take another plum puff, thank you.”

He practically ran to retrieve the plum puffs while she settled again into the couch. He returned with a bright smile on his face.

“I think we’ve discussed all I’ve come to clarify, but do you mind if I stay and read for a while? If I don’t finish that book, it’s going to haunt me.”

“I’d love if you stayed. Are you sure you won’t get in trouble? Are you sure **I** won’t get in trouble?” he smirked.

“Look outside, Gilbert Blythe,” he felt the warmth spread through him again. _Yep, it’s going to happen every time._ “It’s been raining for hours; I don’t think I could make it through the roads or the fields at this point.”

He stared intently at her, “I honestly had no idea that it was still raining.”

They sat there quietly, enjoying the decadent plum puffs for a while before Anne asked, “Did you know Marilla loved your father?”

“I had kind of put that together, but I don’t know the extent of the relationship.”

“It’s her greatest regret, not going after him. She pretty much sent me here to tell you that I loved you so I wouldn’t make the same mistake she did. She told me to not come back until everything was sorted.”

“Well then, I’m a little less concerned now about receiving her wrath than I was, but I can’t say the fear has dissipated entirely. And, if it truly has been raining all evening, as you claim, then I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman if I didn’t offer you accommodations until the storm has passed.”

“So…?”

“So, let’s read, Anne. Do you want to read it together? I haven’t had the courage to open it since he died, but hearing you recite it, I realized I miss it.”

“That sounds wonderful,” she said with a smile.

He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him, kissing her temple as she relaxed. It was the most natural thing in the world to both of them. They took turns reading aloud as the hour grew late and they gradually became tired.

He noticed her breathing had slowed as he began the last stanza, but he continued on, addressing his love directly, as if it was his most sacred vow, “Anne, I give you my hand! I give you my love more precious than money, I give you myself before preaching or law; Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me? Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?” He gently put the book down, doing his best not to disturb her. He put out the lantern and kissed the top of her head before wrapping his other arm around her and closing his eyes.

“Yes, we shall,” she whispered.

He smiled and said, “I love you Anne,” squeezing her even closer.

“I love you too, Gilbert Blythe, but that doesn’t count as a proposal.”

“I know, Carrots,” he laughed, “Go to sleep.”


End file.
